Welcome Home

Well it’s been a few days and we’ve moved into level three now. In which I’ve come across some incredibly atrocious bubble keeping.

On ANZAC morning I raced around with no minutes to spare, even found my beret to wear from Territorial days - that bought back a few memories of adventures past. And a lot of memories of smelly bodies, the garrison nights and standing in the cenotaph in front of everyone and trying not to shake whilst holding my rifle out in front. I remember my poor mum picking us up from the army hall at the end of a weekend and making us wind all the windows down or she wouldn’t take us home as we smelt so bad! Interestingly the army is the least sexist place I have ever worked. Everyone was yelled at exactly the same and expected to do exactly the same job.

I played my dads version of the Last Post at the end of our driveway. After waving our phone torches at the neighbours the four of us lined up together. We should have followed the instructions and played Radio NZ coverage, instead we could hear lots of different Last Posts playing around the neighbourhood. But it did make that beautiful tribute last longer. We stupidly came inside before the sunrise, but I managed to race back out for a look when a friend mentioned how good it was. Back inside, I watched ‘Kiwi service women of NZ’ while Number 1 daughter makes cinnamon scrolls for brekkie and the boys are back in bed asleep. The fun and love those women managed to focus on in the face of such hardship and horror is inspiring. Then I finished the day by making some dreadful Anzac biscuits that the pig enjoyed a few days later.

Lest we forget.

This was a weekend off for me and our locum was covering both our caseloads. One of my backup’s clients was planning a homebirth and was niggling, so as I was stuck at home anyway I offered to be the second midwife. You need two midwives at a homebirth - one for mum and one for baby - in case there is an emergency with both at the same time.

Another reason I was so keen was because I wanted to see my locum. An actual friend! A friend during COVID! If we had a homebirth we would be able to relax on the couch and have a coffee together. Gee I miss my mates. I love the peace and quiet of lockdown but I miss the laughs with my friends.

My student has been back with me for the past week but our DHB is not letting students back in to the hospital or birthcentre yet - so a homebirth is her only chance to be at a birth. With all the restrictions we are also concerned for her number of clinical hours and completing them in time to graduate at the end of the year. Not to mention she’s another one I’ve missed the coffee catch up with!

So at 12:30am after stupidly reading a really good book I got to sleep, then at 2:30am my phone rang and it was our Locum - but not about the woman we were expecting. She was ringing for one of my clients instead, a first time mum, who when she went to check her at home was already pushing. Not surprisingly the woman had decided she now no longer wanted to go to the birth centre and would be staying at home - nice! So be careful what you put out for - we wanted to catch up so bad this was the result!

Like a lot of midwives I love homebirths. We are just as well equipped as at the birthcentre and for loads of reasons it is just so much more relaxed. Dads don’t feel like a spare part because they are in their own space and sometimes we can leave the couple to it and fade into the background a bit more. We get to watch the siblings just accept that mum is actually ok - despite the weird noises - and accept birth as a normal life event. And we get to curl up on the couch with that coffee and watch a couple become a family. Pretty cool.

It’s rare to have an unplanned first time mum birth at home because usually they have very long labours. This particular woman had previously told me she was worried about not making it to the birth centre in time, as she felt she had a very high pain threshold and thought she would get to the pushing stage at home. I had reassured her that this was incredibly unlikely for a first baby. And was secretly thinking “now there’s an easy day at work - she’s dreaming!” Turns out she was right and I was wrong.

I had a half hour drive to get there so raced out the door, takeaway coffee in hand. The las song playing on the radio as i tried to find their farmhouse in the dark was Dave Dobbyn’s ‘Welcome Home’, I thought that was pretty apt for this baby’s arrival. Baby joined us a busy 20 minutes after I arrived. He was born in the bath, tangled up loosely in his cord which was a bit of a surprise for my student midwife, but she did really well. The placenta came soon after. It was all very efficient really. Then we got to relax on the couch and have that long awaited coffee and catch up while we did the paperwork and my student checked the baby over.

Our efficiency didn’t extend to our gear though. My Locum said she had looked at her homebirth pack on her way out the door and went “oh no I won’t need that, its her first baby, we will make it to the birthcentre”. So she left her kit behind and was using a collection of bits and pieces that we all seem to carry around in our car. Meanwhile, I had my whole boot jam packed which always has my homebirth gear inside it, but currently also has all my horse gear, including three saddles (as I wasn’t supposed to be working this weekend). Lucky I didnt have to take this lady in my car, she would have had to sit on top of the saddles. As I didn’t want to rummage through dragging bags out under saddles in the dark I just took inside what I thought my locum would be missing. The end result was about 10 trips to the car which severely impacted on my coffee every time I sat down - I should have just backed up to the door!

After we helped mum feed baby, shower and have something to eat, baby was weighed, dressed and ready to go so the new family departed for the birth centre to get some good breastfeeding support for the next couple of days and we departed for home.

When I looked at the clock I realised it was 6 o’clock and hubby would be finishing his ambo shift so I phoned and we arranged to meet up at McDonald’s for breakfast. He ordered the food and I parked in the car park to wait for him, but as he got in my car he was acting all sheepish. He reckons it looked like he was having a sordid affair and an illicit meeting. I don’t know what sort of classy adulterer he would make if that’s his idea of a hot date - there’s no hope for him really.

Then it was a drive home through very thick fog, and a race to be first asleep to avoid the others exhausted snoring! When I did wake up at 1pm number 1 daughter was still asleep. Hubby and I had worked all night and still woken before her! Oh to be a teenager again.

I was actually woken briefly at 8am by a friend ringing. Oh to have a sleep without that bloody phone! I take that thing to the loo, on a horse, I return for it untold times after doing a u turn at the end of the driveway. My life is much improved now that I can push a button on my watch to find the bloody thing. I also get to talk like Maxwell Smart into my watch when it rings while I’m on a horse. I’ve had some very intense conversations with obstetricians and clients in the strangest places, even on a paddle board.

I’ve also dropped, cracked and drowned a few phones now. Teaching my dad to paddle board I just waded into the river with it in my back pocket one Boxing Day. It had been my Xmas present. Husband wasn’t very impressed with that. Needless to say a week later with its replacement model I did the classic back pocket drop into the loo. I can still remember the feeling of dread, making the call that urine was sterile and picturing my husbands reaction when I told him that I had drowned another one. So after a short pause... in I went. I dived in and actually sucked out the charging point with my mouth. That phone unbelievably went for years so I must have done a good job!

So this awesome go anywhere technology and the good coverage we have now has given us some more freedom to move around when we are on call. If I know my backup is not too far from home and I feel like nothing is happening with my clients then I can go about an hour away. But this sixth sense is not always correct. I’ve turned up to a birth in my riding gears stinking of horse, I’ve driven to the hospital in our beat up campervan after getting called while in a boat on our local lake. But if I didn’t take this chance I would fall into the trap of doing nothing just in case I got called. It’s less stressful sure, but it’s not how I could live my life. This attitude Is the the reason for those dreadful emergency One Square Meal Bars instead of a decent packed lunch. As well as always having to take two cars just in case the family doesn’t want their plans interrupted too.

Dexter continues to drive us mad, he would keep us in level four forever if he could :