Offspring

Today my eldest turned 18, I crawled out of bed to wish him happy birthday before he left for work at seven and then got myself ready for my clinic. I decided it was casual Thursday and chucked some jeans on, it’s raining too hard to look nice, my hair would be frizzy by the time I fed the horses and dashed to the car anyway🤷‍♀️.

18 years ago I was 27, had done a PE degree, my OE, been married for four years, was employed as a cave guide and also running our bed and breakfast in Waitomo. His birth was what many midwives would call a classic primip’s looooong cascade of intervention. I didn’t enjoy it and I didn’t know what was going on. I considered myself pretty intelligent at the time, but I didn’t ask questions throughout my pregnancy, I don’t think I knew I could, or it just didn’t occur to me. I just nodded and smiled and followed direction. Never questioning if there was another option. Not really my personality now! I don’t think my labour process would have been much different - but the way I mentally healed afterward would have been, if I felt I had been involved in the decision making process.

I’d like to say my second birth was different, that I was well informed and completely owned it. But actually number two pretty much fell out without any research on my part. So suddenly in fact my midwife didn’t make it and my husband “who had just gone to his mum’s for a quick kip” roared back in with 20 seconds to spare. I didn’t even bother swapping out the medical students handholding for his 🙄. He and my midwife both should have listened to me when I said the baby was coming! And yes I’ve mentioned that a few times since.

So I had the classic story, the same chain of events that I hear of and see from so many women. A traumatic first birth and a much cruisier second one. Both contributed to my wanting to become a midwife and the style of care I provide. We can’t foresee how a birth will go, sure as midwives we make assumptions and have a gut feeling that is often right, but there are no guarantees. The important thing that needs to be ensured is that a woman feels she’s in charge of the decision making - that things aren’t getting done to her. That she counts. That she is not just a vessel for the baby. That she can say no, that she can ask questions. And if she’s too tired to do this, that I will ask and explain the answer to her.

I hope that my clients who have had unforeseen outcomes felt they were informed, felt that we tried everything and every trick we had and there was nothing left unconsidered. From my small experience this then means the way they heal and accept the outcome of lost plans afterward is a much an easier road.

I had two emails today from clients whose children were also born June 18th. Both wishing my son who they have never met a happy birthday, remembering that it was his special day I missed while I helped them with theirs. I thought that was pretty cool, aren’t women amazing! We need to fight for this autonomous, world leading midwifery system that kiwi women fought so hard for in the 90’s. We are at risk of losing it!

Tonight at 6pm I attended a webinar that outlined the process we have gone through to fight to be paid for all the hours we work, for emergency call outs, for gender equality. The women leading this are working tirelessly and deserve a medal for not giving up after constant letdowns and broken promises, I sure couldn’t do it. So my sincere thanks to the College of Midwives team.

Then I cleaned up tea, dragged out the recycling bins in the dark, fetched the hay, fed the pig, fed the horses, SLIPPED OVER IN THE F*+#* MUD, fed the dog and paid my bills. Next I will try to jam antibiotics down both cats throats (long story 🙄) which involves towels, bandaids and at least two people, this morning number one daughter even got an accidental backhander to the face! Overnight I think I’m off to the hospital, which would be good because I really don’t want this baby to wait longer and interrupt the planned birthday tea in the weekend. Fingers crossed!

Talk soon x