Miscommunication…

I had a spontaneous catch-up with midwifery mates that I studied with this week. They have a bevvie of little kids. It always makes me relieved that I don’t - but also leaves me wishing I could be a grandma already 🤣

I survived the many swipes at my shirt from those sticky little hands - only to spill my coffee down my front on a lovely white shirt that was actually still white, not clay or horse stained. So off to the laundry I flew to rinse and soak like a perfect laundress.

Now I’m a scrubber, not a soaker of stains, it’s effective and there’s no waiting, so it suits my personality type. Finding a nail brush in the tub just like I have at home I commenced scrubbing only to cover my shirt in black smears. Turns out the brush was covered in shoe polish. So I binned that perfect shirt and melted in my jumper for the rest of the visit. I need to stop trying to dress like a lady.

That night I was text by a husband at 7pm - saying his wife said he wasn’t allowed to - but that he thought he should let me know that things had started. Then he proceeded to send me a running commentary overnight. I sent one response, saying to RING when she needed me. Bear in mind this is despite of every piece of info I give clients saying in big letters DO NOT TEXT. Things get missed. It’s dodgy.

This is the husband that didn’t even know his wife was pregnant until well after me, because he gets so excited it drives her mad. She’s a slow burner and has accepted that a large family is on the cards, but she takes a while to get her head around each pregnancy.

They were still fighting about his texting me the night before without her consent after the birth the next day. He held his line, saying my birth info sheet says ‘if during the day to let me know if ctx have started so I don’t travel too far away on my postnatal visits. That at night I don’t need to be woken until they need me as I will be close’. He insists that he was following the instructions to the letter. That 7pm is daytime. He didn’t have a comeback when I asked him how it can be daytime if it’s pitch black outside 🤣.

So then he tried to argue that his wife is tough and she leaves it too long to ring me. Valid, but it was now 12 hours later when she actually needed me so he had to concede that probably the night before was a little early.

He then went with “I told you she wasn’t cranking, that it was just starting” you should have just chilled and gone to bed.

Men.

I did have an early night, but knowing she had started meant I didn’t manage sleep till 1am and he rung me at 5am. Still not ready to go, just giving me an update! Anyway we arranged to meet at the birthcentre once they had sorted childcare.

So I got up in the dark and had a 5am coffee with the hubby before he left for his ambo shift. Which was nice, but not nice enough to want to do it again.

Anyway, we arrived at the centre and my client went straight to the loo and stayed there. Not talking much and very focused. He did the talking though. Non stop. It made me smile, because I know how annoyed she gets with him when she’s in labour. I took my blood pressure cuff for mum and the Doppler to listen to baby into the bathroom. The pool was still running anyway so the loo was a good place to kill time. I’d already checked and prepared all my emergency equipment.

While I was setting up Spotify to see if it would stop her man from talking she leapt into the pool, with that audible sigh of relief. Nice.

Five minutes later she asked me to do a vaginal exam to check her progress. I asked her to postpone for ten minutes because I really didn’t think we needed one. I didn’t think baby was far away. She could no longer feel any cervical pain down low in the front. Only in her back - always a good sign.

So while she was squatting in the pool she checked herself. It’s really cool watching a woman’s face while they slowly figure out that they are touching their baby’s head and it’s actually so close. She said it was soft and bulgy. So I took this to be the bag of forewaters or membranes coming first and explained to them both what she was probably feeling.

She still wasn’t actively pushing but with the next contraction she leant back and we could see about 5 cm width of baby’s head. Now I knew we didn’t have long to go but I was still surprised - and bloody impressed.

Dad started talking. Fast.

The soft bulgy bit she could feel a minute before would have been the squished up skin on baby’s head, creasing up as it was squeezed. We later figured out there had been a weird ‘pop’ while she was on the loo that must have been her waters going.

With the next contraction - still no pushing, just breathing - the baby’s head was born and then slowly restututed to the side. A few seconds later the shoulders came and then the arms burst forward causing mum to give a small squeak - the first sound she had made. Baby did the startle reflex under the water and then very slowly slid the rest of the way out. He blinked up at us all, really taking the world in as I unwrapped the cord and then turned him face down - so as I raised him up no water would rush into his mouth - and handed him to his mum.

It was the gentlest, calmest, smoothest second stage of labour I have ever seen. I won’t be forgetting this one. All three of us were on a high about how beautiful it was. It all felt like it happened in slow motion.

I feel like we actually saw his soul settle in.

How lucky am I.

Which led to the discussion about when to get in contact for the next labour, it was such an intense chat between the two of them I didn’t have the heart to tell them I was leaving. He still insists a text doesn’t count!

How do you unread a text 🙄? Anyway I felt bad for causing them to have a barny straight after a baby so I banned him from talking about it any more.

But I’m sure it will come up again…