And... testing, testing 1,2,3.

I had the weekend off call as my backup had both our caseloads. Which as my midwife mates know is an absolutely blissful feeling, knowing you will definitely sleep the night through. Even if you haven’t been busy you don’t realise how much you needed to turn your brain off until you get the chance.

After five days at home I’ve started to see what it has been like for you all not going out. At the start I was bored - so bored I cut my own fringe 😬. I dehydrated apples and spring cleaned the house even. Then after that manic half day I got into the groove. And I’m sorry but I loved it! Everything is slower, my kids are nicer, I am nicer. Although husband is the same 🤣. He decided not to spend his time making the house weatherproof (it’s only been 2.5 years of building paper!) but instead he and number 1 son resurrected the old skate board ramp. 🙄🤣. Priorities are always a little bit different in my house. I finally get rid of that bloody ugly pool outside the bedroom window and it’s been replaced with a bloody ugly massive ramp! Husband does assure me that he has now finished cleaning out his shed though. Which he seems to mess up in one fast stint that takes weeks to rectify in an ongoing biannual cycle that drives me completely insane.

We are amusing ourselves with eating daughters baking, watching one episode of Scubs a day (only one incase it’s a looooong lockdown), old fashioned spacies, puzzles, very competitive card games with lots of swearing and Brett has also put up the dart board inside. The placement of which knocked the clock off the wall and perfectly placed it into the dogs bed on the other side - Rocket didn’t think much of the ticking time bomb in her bed. You can watch the video for her reaction.

Husband enjoyed his hour of early shopping at Countdown with other emergency services on Friday, basically he got to catch up with all his mates and shout their stories from an appropriate distance. He does love a good yarn.

I have suggested that like some other very talented families we attempt to record a lockdown boogie - but 1) no one would dance with me, in fact I suffered quite a lot of abuse about this and 2) none of us have any dancing style anyway.

So today while making phone calls to clients from my home office Dexter the cat proved his usual annoying self. I would shut him out if there was an actual doorknob on the door instead of a gaping hole 🙄. My clients continue to do well, some of them have made ingenious ways of turning their scales into baby weighing devices. One clever dad even screwed a box on to the top of the kitchen scales.

Also on the work front you will be pleased to hear the PPE gear to keep us safe is slowly filtering down to us. But wearing a mask sucks! It’s itchy, hot and my big nose makes it ride up and get stuck in my eyes! Not to mention half your face is hidden, a lot of emotional support for our clients seems to come via the look on your face, it’s hard to share empathy with just your eyes. But I’m learning!

On the political front most of you will know that midwives have been fighting for pay equity and been extremely shafted on this for years now.

So to paraphrase what a colleague has said, it’s pretty demoralising to see how fast the government has poured millions of dollars into a rescue package for GP’s, because they are NOT seeing patients, whilst midwives pick up the slack and continue functioning without any recognition or extra support. Our workload in some ways has increased, in some it has changed and in some it is less. BUT we are the ones in people’s bubbles, getting a heck of a lot closer than 2m and going into peoples homes - putting our own special people at risk. Come on the government - can’t you see how our frontline care is keeping women out of the hospitals?

And on a different front I got tested for COVID! Yep I had some symptoms so on Friday in I went to the testing centre in Hamilton. My heart was racing as I drove up, security however were very friendly, but lowered their masks to talk to me 🙄. So that’s not ideal. Then you drive around a long weaving trail following signs between the buildings. Lots of cones to be moved and two checkpoints on the way through, it feels a bit lonely and like something out of a movie. Then you drive into a big shed and queue in your car. Loud music was playing to cheer us all up. Now this isn’t meant to be offensive but I had the horrible thought of the nazi’s playing violin music to calm people before they entered the gas chambers. It was a very cold, sterile and surreal environment! But they were uber friendly, you are given a form to fill in then they collect it and clean the pen with a tuffie while I madly sanitised my hands. There were 6 women in full PPE. A lovely doctor who has been redeployed from sexual health then ran through my answers. My swab was given priority as I am a health worker. The general public is a four day wait for the result, but they didn’t know how quick mine would be.

Then I was directed to drive into another building where the swab would be taken. Name checked, self isolation explanation given. Then the dreaded swabbing. Which hurts! They stick it up your nose and just as you are thinking “oh this is actually ok” they stick it up another inch and twist it a few times. Basically they have a party up there. It certainly makes your eyes water and your nostril sore for about 20 minutes afterwards. But I was very impressed by their efficiency, I didn’t have to wait long and except for the security guard outside they were all using the PPE correctly, were polite and pleasant and gave all the information one needs... They didn’t make me feel like a Leper anyway!

And this morning my lovely GP phoned to give me the all clear and we had a good catch up about the changes to how we’re working.

So I just have a shitty cold. I have printed the negative COVID result and may present it after I can’t hold in a sneeze when I’m with clients tomorrow.

Maybe I should get it laminated 🤣

Oh and I think my horse has conjunctivitis, now when a baby gets sticky eye we get the mum to clean it, then put breastmilk in it. The antibodies in the breast milk stop it becoming infected. So if there’s any new mums out there who want to come round and squirt some breastmilk in my horses eye just give me a shout. Only tall women need apply 🤣