The ‘Auntie Doctor’

I have a client whose Nan always calls me ‘the nurse’. She shouts “The nurse is here!” as she sees me walk up the path. Now no disrespect to nurses - I couldn’t do their job - but I worked hard to be called a midwife and it’s sort of like comparing builders to plumbers. Yes, both nurses and midwives work with people’s health. But nurses have patients. I have clients. We think about things in different ways and have different skills. The term midwife is actually a German word and it translates as ‘with women’ — very apt we midwives think.

So anyway, I always cringe when I hear that, it makes me feel like a fraud.

Once inside the house, while I was listening to baby’s lungs with my stethoscope the two year old was clambering over both me and baby asking loads of questions (as well as yanking on my earrings - next visit I remembered to take them off first!). She had really advanced language for her age and asked her mum if I was the doctor? Mum explained I was like a ‘baby doctor’. Then this little tot comes out with what I thought was a right gem: ”she’s an Auntie Doctor”. I couldn’t really fault that. Now she calls me Auntie Doctor every visit, her older brother just uses Auntie. Both work for me 😉. It feels like the kiwi version of midwife, a bit like having a Pohutakawa instead of a pine for a Christmas tree.

On the other good news I finally joined the ranks of real midwives last week when I got my first cup with the words “Kimba Allison - midwife at your cervix” emblazoned on the side. These have been doing the rounds for a while and will be strategically placed at the back of cupboards in midwifery clinic kitchens throughout the land.

This week I’ve had my annual emergency refresher day and my midwifery standards review which comes around every three years. So a big week for box checking.

The emergency refresher is never looked forward to, it’s a bit like doing your annual first aid course, but always appreciated after it’s over. A bit like the dentist. It reminds us of exactly what to do when and gives everyone a chance to share stories of when things haven’t gone according to plan.

The post partum haemorrhage recap bought up memories of a previous post where I had to do bimanual compression - the last resort as they say. I thought I was doing ok with this one and had moved on, but as I told my story I could feel my heart pounding and the adrenalin rushing again. I wasn’t the only one. All the midwives in the room had events that had affected them, even the quiet ones - they were probably wiser - if you don’t talk about it you can’t get the racing heart I guess.

Then it was on to my review. I must admit I’m a bit anti this process. We pay a decent amount of money to write reflections, explain how we are meeting the standards of practice, review our stats and client feedback and make a professional development plan. Then after the reviewers have read all this we truck in to meet with them for an hour (with no coffee!) and have a little chat. I am as succinct and shallow as possible for this process. I struggle to talk to strangers about my emotions (blogging doesn’t count 🤣), I like to be professional, warm, yet slightly aloof I guess. Private.

So this time I thought I’d be clever and not have to sit and panic write my three reflections the week beforehand. Instead I submitted some of my blog. It worked! They said they were rapt to read something in a different style, an informal piece that gave them a real insight to me as a midwife. Apparently they think I’m calm - I must have selected the entries carefully! But in contrast my manner in person must have been a total disappointment to them. Instead of a bubbly yarner they got a quiet nodder. I came across as very boring and high tailed it out of there quick smart. So my apologies to them both if they are now blog subscribers! What you see is not always what you get.

I did another sneaky effort last week as we had my back up midwife’s farewell dinner and I had to give a speech. I read out my last blog - as one of the bonuses to her anti social media stance is that she doesn’t follow it. So two birds with one stone again! Winning.

I’ve been doing a lot of driving for postnatals after my busy October clients.

Never ever will I take six clients a month again. Hold me to that you lot!

One of them is 90 mins away from my house, out west of Piopio (yes there is a west of Piopio!) in beautiful limestone country with these massive bluffs used in filming for lord of the rings. An amazing drive with an excellent cafe midway. It will be her last visit this week I think and although I’ve enjoyed it, the break before her next baby will be much appreciated.

I have also wasted around nine hours dealing with my phone provider this week - yes I can prove it’s that long, they keep emailing me the bloody transcripts and asking me to mark them on how they are doing. I don’t think they want to know. At the risk of sounding like my mother I just want to talk to an actual f*#*+** person! Although she would have said actual person and used manners.

My call diversion is not working. Which means when I’m away from home it’s a bit tricky for clients to come through to my mobile and tell me they are having a baby. As interim measures while they sort it the telco managed to divert my phone to my husband. You can imagine what he thought of that. Then the next time they diverted it to him and then his phone on to me. So I got all of his calls! His golf buddy ringing and waking me up is not endearing me to my telco provider. Today I insisted on actually talking to someone and asked for a call back. Only to be emailed that the call back system wasn’t working.

So they are a phone provider that can’t ring anyone???? You can imagine what I had to say about the irony of that. I even used SHOUTY letters. It didn’t help. Now they appear to be ignoring me. I wonder how my upcoming credit request will go? Maybe I won’t ask till they’ve actually fixed it.

So that’s me. Aside from fantasising about bodily harm to my telco provider, I have a thought provoking unplanned home birth story that I keep rewriting in my head for you to come next. But I can’t quite seem to get the words down properly, so this one will have to do in the interim.

Oh, good luck to all the midwifery students sitting their National Exam this coming Monday!

Love,

the auntie doctor 🤣