Only Human

Thank you Kaikoura^

So we were free, then just like that we weren’t. The precedented times as they say are back.

Like so many of us I was gutted, as I had been rolling along in a nice state of denial and smugness regarding COVID. I had got over the claustrophobic feeling of knowing we couldn’t travel overseas. Although not quite accepting of Air NZ holding on to my money - but that’s a very privileged issue I know!

Then boom. Suddenly we have to sit up and take notice again. I’m in the Level Two area, luckily enough to not be in Auckland in Level Three. But Level Two is so weird! To mask or not to mask? To have a beer at the pub or a coffee out with friends - or not? I’ve compromised there and got rid of any drunken shenanigans - it wasn’t actually that hard when I checked the calendar 😬- but I am still meeting my girls for a coffee.

Work wise my main instant panic was where the divide south of Auckland kicked in. I have a third time homebirth mama who has moved up north. She’s a midwife herself and in all fairness doesn’t really need me to go but it’s always such fun hanging with my girlfriends curled up on the couch - while she does all the work- that I didn’t want to miss it!

She lived about as isolated as you can get in NZ with the previous two babies, so she flew to me both times and stayed in my shed until their births. Each time she felt in advance when the baby was coming and timed it perfectly. I just walked over in my slippers when it was time. Bloody legendary.

This time I suggested she might have to pack up the troops again and come stay if the COVID rules stopped me getting to her. But now that she lives closer she declined to spend a week in my 20 square metre shed with a 2 and 3 year old as well. Can’t say I blame her! Our six years in there sure had their moments!

Now I’m just waiting on that call - turns out the no go line is above her on the map. I must remember to take the biscuits for dunking.

So my past week was spent communicating with my clients about what happens in Level 2, letting them know the visitor policies if they are in hospital now and some general calming. Although this time as everyone knows the drill it has been a lot easier. No phone consults in Level 2, so that’s nice. I’m no good at those, I obviously use my body language to keep the appointment moving along and on the phone I have a hard time interrupting! I lose my flow, it’s not cool.

I’ve also had two clients in what is termed ‘Threatened pre term labour’ - so they are both at the hospital and I am on high alert for a call in to one of them in a hurry. I’m trying not to let it affect my activities each day as you can’t not do things. You also can’t DO things. It’s a fine line. My horse rides have to be closer to home. And I tell the kids it’s pasta for tea as opposed to a flash time consuming roast 😉. Actually might be better if they fix something themselves!

I struggled to come back after my holiday actually, this is the first time in 6 years that I’ve not felt ready to leap back in. Like many of us although I love most aspects of my work, I’d rather not work if that makes sense? I’d rather ride my horse into the sunset whilst stopping at beautiful spots to make pottery bowls along the way - with a pack horse in tow carrying blue cheese and hot mocha’s. But I do acknowledge I would get bored and miss people and that unknown of what comes next that being a midwife provides. I would love to be off call, but then I would miss out on helping a new mum lift up her baby for the first time.

So work is a necessity with benefits. It just needs balance. A hard thing to achieve in our profession. Maybe this particular return was harder because of the emergency in my last blog. That’s certainly the most drained I have felt for the few days after a birth.

That family is doing well by the way, very appreciative of the help they received, but still processing what went on I’m sure.

So a slow start back to work for me is a good plan. As a wise colleague said to me the lack of excitement is needed so our adrenals can rest up for a bit.

This is the same colleague who pointed out how midwives put their own health on the back burner and don’t always consider what is potentially harmful to ourselves.

She was on her own holiday recently. A solo one away from people to refill her bucket. She’s a looooong way from home living the good life when she started to lose a lot of blood vaginally. Way heavier than a normal period. But as midwives we see blood a lot. We also know the process once you go to the hospital. Shit gets real. She did denial for a while then checked in via messenger to our midwife chat group (a sanity necessity). So of course she got the hard word from all of us to get moving for some drugs - rather than pass out on the floor of the hotel. Now this woman is a wise midwife, she would have told any client to do the same. But our own issues - we like to ignore those. I’ve had another colleague do the same. She was also my client and haemorrhaged a week after having her baby. She knew she needed to go to hospital, but I’ve never seen a better denial manoeuvre than hers. And I’m pretty sure I would be the same. Everyone wants to deny their own health stuff. I’m on everyone’s case, but the dentist has given up on me, the smear test lady rings me constantly before I get myself in there, I always put off the bloody x-rays after falling of my horse. But if someone ELSE needs us we drop everything and go.

So this blog is a reminder to all those midwives - those of you always giving - what important things of yours are you always putting off? Even if it’s just an hour to yourself, please make it happen!

The things I get asked about on these mercy calls always crack me up. I must be a complete fake and have convinced my friends and family I know everything about anything - when really it’s google! Midwive’s are specialists in maternity only. We are good with uteruses and vaginas in a one year period of a woman’s life. Albeit maybe a few times for each woman! We are also good with new babies. Blood loss from vaginas when not due to babies is not our thing. We also only have good advice on things like teething and embarrassing behaviours from experimenting and failing on our own kids.

I got caught out in a cafe last week loudly saying “Dad I have no idea about your thumb - I deal in VAGINAS!” There was one of those lovely pregnant pauses all around us. Dad thought it was gold.